photo credit: karolina wojtasik | HBO
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Rejoice, lovers of low-stakes drama and top-tier costume design! Baron Julian Fellowes and Salli Richardson-Whitfield's The Gilded Age is back on our screens for another season of dreaming, scheming, and debates about Victorian cutlery. Let's see what our Gildies are up to after their long holiday by the seaside.
There's a new credits sequence, but I don't have time to dig into it because HBO didn't give me screener access, and my recap is already woefully behind the discourse. Things start off badly, with a carriage thundering toward Sidmouth (The Duke's country pile). A doctor arrives, and we can hear screaming from Gladys, aka Taissa Farmiga, aka the eldritch witch trapped in a young debutante's body. Okay, Baron Julian, I'm gonna stop you right here, because what we are not gonna do is a Sybil 2.0 situation. You're on notice! YOU'RE ALL ON NOTICE.
Things don't look much brighter in New York, where dozens of black umbrellas jockey to get into St. Thomas' (aka the late Reverend Mr. Forte's parish, aka the ONLY respectable church for Manhattan's elite whites), but then the sprightly, low-stakes score picks up, so I guess things are fine? I briefly hoped this was my much-hoped-for big fat Larian wedding, but it would have been weird for that to go off with Bertha in England, and the decor isn't extravagant enough. Back at House Van Rhijn on 61st St, we see that most of the decor budget has gone to the reception. Little Bridget is bossing around the day laborers like a little Mrs. Bruce in training, and I'm so proud of her! Unfortunately, one of those day laborers is a very annoying footman with a terrible American accent, so I guess this is a new guy we have to care about this season. Booooooo!
Back at church, all rise for the bride, who's walking down the aisle alone. Bannister and Miss Armstrong are in attendance, and I finally remember that Oscar, aka the saddest gay man in NYC got lavender engaged to Enid Turner Winterton last year, so this must be their lavender wedding. Aunt Ada, aka Miranda from Sex and the City, asks Aunt Agnes, aka Christine Baranski, if rain on a wedding day is lucky or unlucky. Neither! It's ironic. These two aren't ready for that yet, but their great-great-great-great grandkids are gonna love it. Marian, aka Meryl Streep's daughter, shows up late because she couldn't find her umbrella, and she's nothing if not the living embodiment of a clumsy screwball heroine. She spots young Larry Russell, aka Drake Carne, from Poldark, and they share a hard-to-decipher Look. Enid arrives at the altar, where Oscar tells her, "This is going to be such fun." This is followed by an ominous clap of thunder, which takes us...
...back to Sidmouth, where Eldritch Gladys is screaming her face off, because she's probably giving birth to a thousand years of sorrows along with an heir to her husband's land, title, and club membership. Bertha, aka Carrie Coon, aka a problem-solver, attempts to give her suffering daughter Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup, which contains morphine, which could kill the baby! The doctor tells her she doesn't understand the territory and she has to get out of the room. Eldritch Gladys is not pleased, for what ancient mystical being doesn't want her mortal parent in the room when she's in pain?
Anyway, on to the wedding reception at House Van Rhijn! The cake looks delicious, and Marian looks like the Statue of Liberty. I guess she couldn't find her umbrella OR an outfit that wasn't a Halloween costume. Aunt Agnes is oddly sanguine about everything, considering her son is marrying a former ladies' maid. Still, I guess she experienced personal growth in the five months between the Russells' Newport Ball and today. Oh, she's also going to be entertaining the President of the United States soon! Right on cue: Mrs. Foster the People, aka Kathy Geiss, aka the lady who spent all of S3 spam-emailing Agnes to convince her to be the vice president of the NY Heritage Society. UGH, we are then subjected to Mr. Bannister telling the Substitute Footman to stop acting like a busboy at TGI Friday's, so that's more evidence we are stuck with this dum-dum sucker. Then he asks Miss Armstrong, aka everybody's least favorite ladies' maid, if she's okay. She looks like she swallowed a poisonous beehive that also killed her mother. Hey, remember that S1 episode where Armstrong took care of her awful mother on her day off? Because Baron Julian Fellowes sure doesn't!
In the kitchen, Bridget compliments Mrs. Bauer's lavish spread, and the cook says it's good practice for feeding the President when he visits. The Substitute Footman overhears this and horns in. Shut up, shut up, shut up! Some other Temp Wench can't see why the President wants to come to House Van Rhijn, and Bannister tells her to shut up and that they're ready for more food upstairs.
Bertha offers to pay to bring a London doctor out to the sticks since the family doctor is such a wank, but Lady Sarah and The Duke say their doctor is fine. Once again, I am cringing in Downton Abbey-related trauma, though in that case, it was the fancy London specialist who mucked things up. Lady Sarah and Bertha get into a clit-measuring contest, which The Duke interrupts because Eldritch Gladys' clit is the only clit that matters! The doctor comes out to deliver the same old tired childbirth ultimatum: he's going to have to choose between saving Eldritch Gladys or the Eldritch Heir! Lady Sarah, with her typical warmth, says it has to be the heir, but The Duke endears himself to Bertha by choosing Gladys.
Okay, I fully missed this weird cameo by Matt Damon and David Letterman crossing 61st St. This show is so unserious, and frankly this is the most convinced I've ever been that Matt Damon is a closeted gay man. I can't even hazard a guess as to why Letterman is there...what are your Top 10 guesses? Workmen are installing a telephone! Hot damn, the future is now! Mr. Russell, aka Train Daddy, aka World's Sluttiest Man, Morgan Spector, is yelling at "Brinkley," his replacement for former scheming vizier Patrick Page. He's yelling about some bs that Rockefeller is pulling, so I guess he's not aware how badly things are going for Eldritch Gladys. He kicks Brinkley out, and Brinkley gives him a report from the Pinkertons, who may have found the guy who shot Mr. Russell last season. Now that I get a good look at him, Train Daddy looks ROUGH. Five months of not having sex /getting addicted to laudanum don't agree with him.
Oscar and Enid discuss the wedding turnout. Enid's bummed that Mrs. Astor didn't attend, and Mrs. Fish came to the ceremony, but not the party. Oscar insists that the old doyennes of society will come around. "It's all tremendously predictable." Aunt Agnes introduces Mrs. Foster to the People and starts pressuring her son and his fruit fly to pop out some grandkids asap. Hahahaha! Gross. Aunt Ada clocks Marian staring at the door, which was the 1880s equivalent of sitting by the phone all night. Marian says her conversation with Larry at the church (which we didn't see) was the first they'd spoken since he left for Chicago. Aunt Ada can't understand why they broke up, and, girl, same. Aunt Agnes horns in to ask Aunt Ada for more monies for staff for her presidential visit. According to Aunt Agnes, the family's reputation hinges on the dinner, but, like, Ada's a Forte, not a Van Rhijn? I guess she means the Brooks, but nobody cares about them anyway.
FINALLY, we get a Peggy scene. PEGGY! Aka Denee Benton, aka the best part of this show. I swear to god, thing one better not go wrong for Peggy this season. In a show where the stakes are famously low, she has been beset with plotlines like "my dad stole my baby, told me it died, and annulled my marriage" and "I almost got lynched in the Deep South and then my married employer kissed me." All I want for Peggy is a lavish wedding, success in her writing endeavors, and as many healthy, bouncing, non-stolen babies as she wants. Everybody else needs to get with the program! For now, she's doing wedding prep with her mother, Mrs. Scott, aka Audra McDonald, and her future monster-in-law, Mrs. Kirkland, aka Phylicia Rashad. Phylicia exposits that Peggy's wedding to her son, Dr. Fiancée, will happen at Brian Stokes Mitchell's church in Newport. Then she strong-arms Peggy into using Brussels bobbin lace for her veil, then she weirdly asks both Peggy and Mrs. Scott to join the Daughters of Friendship, her ladies' club in Newport, which sounds extremely culty. There's something about Rashad's performance in this role that's giving Mrs. Danvers, and I'm here for it. The ladies Scott attempt to beg off, but they're not successful. They leave, muttering that they can't wait for Mrs. Kirkland to fuck off back to Newport.
Marian congratulates the newly minted Mr. and Mrs. Van Rhijn, who invite her to the afters, which are happening "downtown." Marian, a square, is scandalized by going below whichever street her aunts have deemed inappropriate, but Oscar and Enid insist that she join them. I hope she puts on a nicer dress than her primitive NY Liberty mascot costume.
Eldritch Gladys is still alive in jolly old England, for now, and has delivered a healthy baby boy! Gladys says she's just glad it's over, and I'm terrified The Eldritch One will be dealing with postpartum depression. Everyone leaves her to rest, but as Adelheid is getting her settled, her hand comes away bloody. Eldritch Gladys is hemorrhaging! Oh god, we're not out of these Fellowes-infested woods yet!
At a lively dance hall, Marian's wearing a much nicer frock, and Oscar observes that his friends would say he's slumming. Marian's sure that Aunt Agnes wouldn't like it, which is the entire point? Please try to keep up, Maid Marian. Enid cajoles Oscar into taking her for a spin on the dance floor. Larry Russell pops up and says he's surprised to see Marian in a dance hall, which she famously disapproves of. Time out, Zack Morris-style. Larold Percival Russell, there is a chasm of difference between the Haymarket, a brothel that does foxy boxing, and this place, a bar that offers coed dancing and maybe some light kitsch. Calm down! Okay, time in. Larian does some light bantering, and these two obviously still have the hots for each other. Just get married! Stop wasting Kelly's time! Larry had a productive trip to Chicago, and Marian has moved on from teaching watercolors and ESL classes to volunteering at a settlement house in the LES. Larry suggests a dance, which Marian demurs, but she finally deigns to join him in a mazurka (a Polish dance, I'm sure the aunts would be scandalized). Enid spots them and says she thought they'd called it off, which Oscar confirms in a way that makes me wonder if Larry's being there is a setup. There's some very sweet lovey-dovey camera work as the Polish tune is supplanted by the gorgeous Gregson-Williams Brothers score. The music on this show is just stunning.
Larian leaves Webster Hall and climbs into his carriage. Marian's bangs have gotten atrociously mussed, and she tipsily admits that "dance halls really are quite marvelous." The flirting is getting hot and heavy as the carriage jolts. The storm spooks the horses, and then the carriage wheel shatters. No one is hurt in the carriage accident, because Julian Fellowes only kills people riding in cars, giving birth, or sassing Nazis. The driver suggests that the two damp lovebirds stay in a nearby hotel. Larry insists Marian take the larger of their two rooms—apparently the last in the hotel—and this is such a squandering of the one-bed romance trope that I'm actually angry. Marian asks the clerk to send a telegram to her aunts to let them know where she is, and she tells Larry she had a wonderful night before they reluctantly close their separate doors.
Eldritch Gladys finally seems to be resting comfortably after her hemorrhage. The doctor gives instructions to The Duke and Bertha. Lady Sarah is relieved she can finally go to bed. Bertha declares her hope that the next baby isn't as harrowing, and the doctor's like, "Ummmm, I had to remove Gladys' eldritch uterus to stop the bleeding, so there's not going to be a next one, you stupid slut! Have fun telling Gladys that her dreams of a giant family have been dashed!" Bertha and The Duke are stunned. Bertha suggests not telling Gladys about her involuntary sterilization until she's regained her strength. Another time-out. Having a uterus removed is a real ordeal, and there's no way Gladys would have been pain-free enough to be snoozing right afterward. Also, the only thing Julian Fellowes likes more than killing women in childbirth is doling out catastrophic medical conditions so he can wave his hand later and cure them, in defiance of medical science. So while this is a bummer of a way for this plotline to resolve, in no way do I believe this idiot doctor actually removed Eldritch Gladys' uterus, and moreover, she could just regrow it by connecting with the primal life force deep within the earth.
Marian's undressing at the Hotel St. Denis when there's a knock at the door. For some reason, she answers the door bare-shouldered. It's Larry (duh), who she invites in (!!!). He was worried about her, and offers to stay with her until she falls asleep, which I guess is what they called it at old-timey Harvard when you wanted to deflower a lady but couldn't come right out and say so. They get to kissing and fall back on the bed. Oh, dear, Marian, I fear your libido is writing checks that your priggish mind can't cash! At least you didn't waste it on ol' Mr. Raikes.
At House Van Rhijn: The Next Generation, Enid and Oscar are still mazurka-ing their butts off. I'm obsessed with their house's pink marble walls. Enid, the more time I spend with you, the more I appreciate your taste. They're both hammered drunk, and Enid has decided that she wants to become a society-shaper by hosting artsy salons in their home, "like the French or the Italians would do," and Oscar says they'll serve cocktails. Quelle scandale! He'll put together a guest list with a sprinkling of avant-garde types. He never imagined he'd be "a man taking pride in his wife," but I bet he never imagined that the love of his life would be mowed down by a fruit cart, either, and that also happened. He's ready for bed, but Enid seems to be wondering exactly what shade of lavender their marriage is. Babe, you got to negotiate if and how often you're gonna have sex in your sham marriage before you say "I do!" It's looking like the Van Rhijn name might die with Oscar if Enid doesn't find a loophole.
The sun's out the following morning, but Marian's face is stormy as she tries to fix her jacked-up bangs. She wakes Larry and tells him to leave her room before anyone realizes he's in there. I know Marian's virtue is her only asset, but this is the whole point of hotels, babe. Larry says it's fine, because it's still early, but Marian's completely spinning out because she's ashamed and ruined, which is really the worst thing that can happen to a wealthy Protestant. Instead of giving Larry any time to, say, renew his proposings of marriage, which would un-ruin her, she runs out of the room. Okay, Larry needed to think ahead a bit more with his "go to my ex-girlfriend's room while we're both kinda tipsy" plan, but this is classic Marian. She needs to stop being such a dumb baby about her relationships! I used to think Aunt Agnes' insistence that she not go out unaccompanied was overkill, but she goes unchaperoned one time and immediately loses her v-card, so fair play to Aunt Agnes!
Marian arrives back at House Van Rhijn and steels herself for her walk of shame. She's wearing an absolutely gorgeous cape that matches her dance hall dress, and it's too bad she didn't parlay her way into returning home with that rock back on her finger. Marian tells her aunts, at the breakfast table, that she took a cab home because it seemed more "prudent" than letting Larry take her. Aunt Agnes helpfully agrees that an unexpected hotel overnight is exactly the kind of thing that could ruin Marian's reputation, which is frankly already worse for wear after three broken engagements, in this recapper's opinion. Marian’s face is frozen in pretended pleasantness, and this is the first time I've been impressed with Louisa Jacobson's performance. This is not going to end well, because Marian is shit at keeping her own secrets. Without Peggy around to absorb her foolishness, it's only a matter of time before she blabs to Aunt Ada.
Train Daddy, alone in House Russell's dining room, pushes his plate away and tells Church he's not hungry. He looks real bad! Larry comes in, excited about the new telephone, but Train Daddy wants to hear about the Home Insurance Building in Chicago. Larry did some asking around, and he thinks Russell Industries could build one in New York, but he's also sensing some weird hostility from Train Daddy. I guess it's lunchtime, but it seems a little early to be drinking, Train Daddy. He yells at Larry for not keeping up with the news that Rockefeller is trying to ruin them, and the Cleveland administration is going to push for antimonopoly legislation. Larry, a secret populist, says it's unfair that smaller competitors don't stand a chance, which earns him another tongue-lashing. Church enters with a telegram from Bertha, announcing the birth of the Marquess of Sidmouth, but not that there won't be any future lords or ladies coming. Train Daddy gives Church permission to tell the staff.
Peggy's walking arm in arm with Dr. Fiancée, aka Dr. William Kirkland, aka Jordan Donica, who played Lafayette/Jefferson in the touring production of Hamilton I saw. They pass an old-timey frankfurter stand, which looks delicious. Peggy's outfit is stoopid cute! She updates Dr. Fiancée on the Daughters of Friendship situation, and when she asks if he wants her to join, he says it's up to her. He and his father, Brian Stokes Mitchell, are in a similar men's organization. They get all gooey about married life and how long they have to wait to live together. Dr. Fiancée is real excited to start having babies, but Peggy seems a little skeptical. Unclear if that's for career reasons or first marriage trauma reasons.
What time is it? CLOCK TWINK TIME. Clock Twink, aka Jack, the former footman, aka cutie patootie Ben Ahlers, arrives at a fancy restaurant to meet with richie riches Mr. Porter and Mr. Smithson. There's a third guy who's not named for some reason. Jack immediately embarrasses himself by not knowing who Isaac Newton is, which the richie riches assume is because he went to Princeton. Haha, old sport, etc. Jack fails to eat an artichoke correctly, then explains that his new invention is an electric mixer with different paddles you can use depending on what you're mixing. It sounds like a KitchenAid, but their first stand mixer didn't come out until 1919. The richie riches are intrigued and ask about his partner. Jack brings up Larry Russell, so everyone assumes Jack went to Harvard. He corrects them, saying he and Larry were neighbors. This time Jack's pitching his invention solo, which makes me worry for sweet Mr. Trotter!
The whole fam damily is hanging out with the as-yet unnamed Marquess of Sidmouth. The Duke worries he'll break the baby, and Eldritch Gladys tells him babies are resilient, and that there's more in heaven and earth than is dreamt of in his philosophy. Lady Sarah declines to hold the baby before fucking off back to London or wherever she landed. Bertha walks her out, and Lady Sarah says she was only there to make sure the Buckinham name would be carried forward. This unsettles Bertha, but Lady Sarah doubles down, insisting that producing a male heir is a duty, not a choice. Bertha plays the mom card and gets huffy that Lady Sarah will never have to experience her child's life hanging by a thread. I buy it for Bertha as a character, but it feels like Baron Julian moralizing, and as a sour, childless woman myself, I don't care for it!
At House Van Rhijn, Jack comes into the...dish closet? I guess? Everyone chides him for carrying a tray, and he explains how insecure he felt at his lunch. Armstrong heckles him, and Mr. Bannister offers to teach him what he needs to know about artichokes and fine dining in general. I love the Van Rhijn servants so much (except Armstrong, obviously)! Upstairs, Marian broods, which provides an excellent environment for sperm to fertilize egg, I hear. Her aunts are arguing about table placement for the Presidential luncheon, but everyone is interrupted when Peggy arrives. PEGGY! She's brought them a copy of her novel! It's called Friends in These Times, and if a tie-in novel is available for purchase, I will buy it. Somebody alert Skydance! Aunt Agnes says Peggy will inspire so many colored women before correcting herself. "So many women!" Aunt Agnes is such a wine mom lib, and I mean that in the most complimentary way. Peggy says her publisher is planning a lecture tour and that Dr. Fiancée is cheering her on every step of the way. Marian, a dickhead, asks to "borrow" Peggy just as Mrs. Foster the People and Mr. Lamont, the President's social secretary, arrive for more dinner planning.
In Marian's room, Peggy says that Marian seems like something's the matter. Marian tells Peggy she saw Larry, but can't quite bring herself to admit, even to Peggy, that she had (whispers) sex. Peggy, forever the voice of reason, tells Marian not to be so hard on herself or let her past get in the way of her future. "You deserve to be loved," which nicely echoes what Mrs. Scott told her daughter last season in the face of gossip about her tragic first marriage, but unfortunately, I'm not sure Marian does deserve to be loved! The most interesting thing about Peggy and Marian's relationship is that they can be honest with one another because they have no friends or connections in common, and that's important to both women, even if Marian's been a bonehead about their racial divide in the past. It's a shame to see her unable to really unburden herself to the one person who won't judge her, and likely the only person who would have useful advice. Oh well! Marian gonna Marian!
Downstairs, Mr. Lamont bitches about how small the Van Rhijn's "private home" is compared to where the President usually dines. He asks about Mayor Grace's support—they have it—and says the guest list will need to be approved in order to discuss the number of staff they'll need. He demands to see the kitchens, and I do not love this guy's vibe. Despite Mrs. Foster the People's yammering about Rutherford B. Hayes' Methodist, temperance-loving wife, Aunt Ada wanders off from the group to bitch to Peggy and Marian about the dinner and its costs. President Cleveland don't impress Peggy much because he hasn't condemned the racial violence in the South, and Aunt Ada has apparently never heard of "the South." She asks Peggy to lend her a copy of her article about her trip to Tuskegee, and Peggy, a class act, offers to send one to keep before heading out.
Aunt Agnes shows Aunt Ada a framed copy of the Livingston coat of arms she's planning to display at "our event." Ada points out that it's Agnes' event, not hers, except when it comes to the funds. Agnes says they're both descended from the Livingstons, and they should be proud to be hosting the President. "You'll laugh at me, of course, but I feel for the first time since Oscar ruined me financially, I have a right to be part of this country's history." I am howling with laughter. That is the most American shit a person on tv has ever said, Aunt Agnes. Ada could not give less of a damn about any of this, especially now that she's learned about President Cleveland's politics. She won't pay for anything else! Agnes is affronted, but Ada says she'll find another way. "You always do." Now that Oscar's solvent and married to a wealthy widow, I personally think he needs to start giving his mother some walking-around money, with interest. Armstrong, who's been in the room for this entire exchange, continues to look like Tom Cruise's cat in Digger. Agnes calls her on it, and Armstrong confesses that the new Mrs. Van Rhijn used to be Bertha Russell's lady's maid. That's what this is all about? Jesus Christ, Armstrong, who cares?! Agnes cares, but really it's on her for doing zero digging on her son's fiancée. That said, she's always been hands-off with Oscar, which makes sense. Even the biggest Gorgon of an 1880s mother can't boss her adult son around. She can't even vote! Armstrong didn't say anything before the wedding because Agnes told her not to meddle, and Agnes yells at her for not being psychic and knowing she should meddle anyway.
I don't know what day it is, but Bannister is giving Jack gentleman lessons in the servants' dining room! This is precious. Jack's getting quizzed on oyster forks, learning the correct posture for slurping soup, and workin' on diction. Awww, he's dancin' with Bridget, who finds the whole thing funny until she's suddenly upset that Jack's spending all this time transforming himself so assholes will respect him. She runs outside, but Mrs. Bauer follows her to see what the outburst was really all about. Bridget's worried she won't be good enough for Jack anymore, even though she's put in so much time taking him Mrs. Bauer's cooking on Sundays. Mrs. Bauer says Jack is shy, which, no, he's not? He's just respecting the boundaries Bridget set as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, which was a nasty card for Baron Fellowes to play and never follow up on. Mrs. Bauer encourages Bridget to wait for Jack to "show his true feelings," but I encourage Bridget to kiss him and see what happens. YOLO!
Peggy arrives at Mrs. Kirkland's New York residence, where her mother is already waiting. Peggy shows Audra her NOVEL, and Audra is appropriately thrilled. Phylicia, on the other hand, dives right into wedding seating charts. When she leaves the room, the ladies Scott are appalled by her reaction, even though Mrs. Scott says not to let sour old Elizabeth spoil the excitement. Peggy's excited about a marketing meeting the next day, which is how you know Peggy has never been to a marketing meeting before. They complain some more about Mother Kirkland, who is heading back to Newport tomorrow, in case we forgot! When she comes back into the room, she tells Peggy she's made her an appointment with one of the best hairstylists in New York! Peggy is shocked, both because she thought her hair was fine and Mrs. Kirkland was supposed to be going back to Newport tomorrow!
Enid arrives at House Van Rhijn the First. She's answering a summons from Agnes, who drops the hammer on the whole "you were a ladies' maid" thing. Enid immediately cops to it, reasoning that if she lied, Agnes could still confirm it. Agnes asks if she intended to humiliate the Van Rhijns (which is just two people), but Enid says her past wasn't a big deal in her first marriage, and it won't be a big deal in this one. Agnes wants to know if Oscar is aware of her previous life as a working stiff. "We have both entered this marriage with open eyes." Damn, she just called Oscar the f-slur in front of his mom! That's my Scorpio! Enid changes tack, reminding Agnes that she's filthy rich, and she's more than happy to spread the filthy wealth by, say, helping to fund the Presidential dinner? Agnes accepts this coolly, and I might be more excited for the Agnes/Enid team-up than the Oscar/Enid team-up!
Across the street at House Russell, Train Daddy makes plans to move back to the Union Club when Bertha gets back, and he looks super strung out. If he keeps this up, I'm gonna have to start calling him Trainspotting. Larry wonders if it isn't time for Train Daddy to forgive Bertha, but Train Daddy says that's none of Larry's beeswax. Larry says his father doesn't seem like himself, so Train Daddy goes off on a rant about Rockefeller again. This tactic is not the flex you think it is, Trainspotting! Oh, good, the damn Pinkertons are at the door.
Eldritch Gladys rocks her still-nameless son and laments that she doesn't know what she'll do when Bertha goes, which is silly. Eldritch Gladys, you've given birth to many universes in your time! Bertha tells Gladys that Hector told the doctor to save her if a choice had to be made, which I guess is meant to be, like, sweet gossip, but it lands in a horrifying way. Still, I'm glad their sham marriage is working out. Bodes well for the new Van Rhijns! The village's bells are ringing, 21 peals for a male heir. Eldritch Gladys asks if they'll ring for every baby they have, and Hector and Bertha look grave before he assures Gladys they'll ring "each time."
Back in Train Daddy's office, the Pinkertons have been following a guy in the tenements they like for the assassination attempt. They show Mr. Russell a sketch of the man and a woman he lives with. He IDs the man, and says the woman looks familiar, too. The Pinkertons have someone waiting at their home, so all Train Daddy has to do is go get them. An opiate-riddled citizens' arrest? What could possibly go wrong?
Calling cards + patent numbers
Our good luck can't last, but it was so nice that no Russell servants were in this episode, beyond fleeting glimpses of Adelheid and Church. All those fools do is sit around and say, "Can you believe the master did that?" or "Do you think the mistress will pull it off?" They haven't had a single interesting plotline between them since S2. Fire 'em all!
Wedding Watch: One down, three to go! Baron Fellowes is never subtle about his OTP endgames, and he was smart to frontload a wedding in E1 so he can spend the rest of the season throwing roadblocks up for Larian, Peggy and Dr. Fiancée, and Jack and Bridget. I think we'll probably get Peggy's wedding this season, since he broke the dam with Gladys and Hector's nightmare wedding last year. I think we'll end the season with Larian finally on solid ground, but unmarried, and Jack and Bridget just taking their first steps toward a relationship.
"The only thing worse than my son marrying a servant would be my son getting a divorce from one."
